A pinch of Wisdom

I spent my Saturday morning volunteering at a town hall meeting for gay marriage. I got up at 7 am to get over there and direct volunteers to be greeters or work the donations or help with AV. The function turned out very very well, we had more volunteers than I knew what to do with. I am very proud of everyone who came out that morning. I’ll admit I didn’t listen to more than 20 minutes or so of the presenters and the q and a. I was busy making sure everything worked, checking on volunteers and making it up as I went along. It felt a bit odd stage managing for the Houston Equal Rights Association. The people who volunteer are mostly made up of white middle class lesbians. So being a straight guy I feel a bit out of place sometimes. I know this is more me than anyone, I have never had anyone tell me I am not part of the community because I am straight, or I can’t speak for the cause because I’m not gay.

I realize fighting this battle I am working for equal civil rights. I realize that I am fighting so people can get married even though I don’t know if I want to ever get married. Hell I can’t marry the woman I love were I ready for it. It’s not legal. So I can relate, I think to the gay marriage plight. The thing is, it doesn’t really bother me. I realize I live in a mostly Christian, straight, monogamous non-kinky culture. I’m a Pagan, I’m a Slut I’m a Dominant, a Sadist and I’m polyamorous. And I’m in the closet at work and to my family. I am not outraged that I feel that it is my duty to keep these things quiet for the sake of propriety and cohabitation. I take for granted that the world at large isn’t going to understand or accept me or what I want to do with my life as moral or ok. I don’t feel angry just kinda sad. Like I expect better from the world. I expect better from the land of freedom, liberty and opportunity. I feel like I was lied to as a child about my country. I was taught of equality and freedom and rule of law and separation of church and state. I was taught to love my country for the great experiment it is. I realize some of these beliefs are the naiveté of youth but I think some are ideals, ideals we need to keep alive.

I’m going to keep volunteering and helping out. I am going to try to be more out. I am afraid I think of the reactions, of not passing anymore. I am afraid for my honey’s career and what my family will say. I am coming out as a pagan to anyone it comes up with. I have never been more proud or sure of my choices of spirituality than now. Oh I have quite a bit of questions and I have no real religion, but I have faith. Something else I realized during this town hall meeting. The speaker asked who were people of faith in the audience. I raised my had automatically, I have no religion, I have faith and spirituality. I believe in God(s) and the Goddess in her many forms. I have talked and worked with quite a few of them, but I don’t serve or worship any of them. Everyone can have their own personal relationship with the divine, and this is mine. No better or worse than anyone else. No, that’s not true actually, I think a personal relationship is better than a faceless god on an alter. I think a conversation is better than a dictate, I think working together is better than following orders.

Words of wisdom for the day.

“Be the light at the end of your own tunnel”